Lead Me to the Rock that Is Higher Than I

Updated: Sep 10, 2020


For some reason, I’ve been thinking about how much I dislike hiking lately.


I live at the base of both Yosemite and Kings Canyon National Parks, and many of my friends enjoy hiking on the weekends. I grew up going to summer camp in those mountains, and though I enjoyed being there – I never loved hiking there. Throughout my 20s I worked at a summer camp in the Santa Cruz mountains with beautiful hiking trails and scenery close by, and less than an hour outside of Big Sur…and yet I can count on one hand the number of times I actually went hiking.


That being said, whenever I do go I usually enjoy it. Or, perhaps better said, I am always glad I went – not so much that I thoroughly enjoy it. Hiking is hard. It’s long, strenuous, tiring, sticky. And though the view is always worth it, the trek itself doesn’t always feel like it is.


I find it interesting this has been on my mind, because today my perspective shifted. I am a closet planner, an over-thinker – which you might not know because I usually seem so “go with the flow” on the surface. And I laugh because the reason I am so “go with the flow” on the surface is because I’ve thought through and planned for almost any scenario before it comes up (true story). My anxious mind runs through scenario after scenario, the good and the bad, attempting to plan for any potential thing...however ridiculous…which sometimes leaves me internally fearful and in "analysis paralysis" instead of open and in flow.


This was me today. One little thing didn’t go as I planned, and my wheels started spinning to a thousand other things, probably none of which are true. All morning my breath kept catching in my chest, tears threatened to break the surface as my mind unraveled before me. Finally, I took a long deep breath and simply said, “GOD...”

.

.

.

.

.

Almost immediately, words that I knew were his began to bubble to the surface.

.

.

.

.

.